I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
