I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
