woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
