just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
