Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
