i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
