I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
