I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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