she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
