Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize