Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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