sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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