Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
