we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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