Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
