i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh god it's open bar.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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