it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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