I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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