She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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