An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
