i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
