I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
