this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
