seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
