He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
