i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize