i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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