you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
