You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she smelled like a LAN party
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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