i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
