Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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