Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think I won the penis lottery.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
