all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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