that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize