and i looked up. we had an audience...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
