Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
