peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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