everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
