Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
