return my video game
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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