they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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