he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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