ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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