I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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