i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
