There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize