let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Someone shattered a urinal.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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