i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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