This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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