If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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