My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize