I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
