if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
