hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
