I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
