what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
