I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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