He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
