Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
