My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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