You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
