and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
