when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
