Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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