people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
