i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Let's paint friendship bongs
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
