he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
