My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she woke up with a sticky ear
he thought i was a dude.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
