I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
