Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
