I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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