I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the night ended with taco bell and tears
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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