i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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