You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
