yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
