the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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