We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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