So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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